


the pieces of me are pieces of you

by synthiesia



Series: i’d like the company through every twist and turn [1]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Gen, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Immortal Husbands, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Immortal Wives, M/M, Medical Procedures, Medical Torture, Medical Trauma, Mild Gore, Multi, No Proofreading We Die Like Men, Other, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Presumed Dead, Psychological Trauma, Religious Guilt, Survivor Guilt, implied gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:48:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25567699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/synthiesia/pseuds/synthiesia
Summary: It was supposed to be an easy job. Looking back, Nicky isn't sure there has ever been such a thing as an easy job, and Andy thinks she probably should have known better. Neither of these realizations help them when faced, for the second time this year, with those who believe science trumps all else, including personal autonomy and bodily freedom.Alternatively: It's 6 months before everything goes to shit, and then Nicky and Andy get taken and Nile's dreams of Quynh change from water to a run down apartment all in one day.
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia & Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Nile Freeman, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: i’d like the company through every twist and turn [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1853263
Comments: 53
Kudos: 588





	the pieces of me are pieces of you

**Author's Note:**

> so i watched old guard a few days ago and had A Lot of feelings about it (especially nicky/joe and andy/quynh- i like historical gays)
> 
> this story heavily features nicky and andy going through some shit- because if you had immortal, constantly healing people to do medical experiments on, i promise those experiments would not stop at just taking samples and then locking them away as "proprietary data".  
> this story will also heavily feature quynh dealing with the aftermath of what happened to her, and she will Not Become a Villain because that's very personally upsetting to me.
> 
> (also if you've got beef with my villain, i have a note at the end of the story explaining said villain)
> 
> this is just based on the movie, i haven't read any of the comics. i did do a little googling tho. 
> 
> tw // organ harvesting  
> it's not graphic but it,,,happens. it get's talked about. i briefly describe in some detail the feeling of body parts being reformed (it's mostly described vaguely)
> 
> title is from in case you don't live forever by ben platt which,,,,i mean, i feel like the title of that song says A Lot. ngl i sorta feel like it's a pretty good nicky/joe song too.

They didn’t talk about Booker after they left him on the beach.

Even Nile, who wasn’t quite sure why, knew better than to bring him up. And the rest of them knew she’d learn, with time. She didn’t quite yet get how deep that betrayal ran, that it didn’t matter if he’d fought with them at the end, but someday she would understand.

They didn’t do that to each other. They had too much to worry about, with the rest of the world- they were all each other had, and they needed to know they could trust each other. Having their backs in a fight- that was a given. That was the least they expected of him, after everything they’d all been through together. 

But his betrayal symbolized something else. It _othered_ him from them- Andy, Joe, Nicky. They would never consider doing that to each other. Even after seeing him do it, they knew they would never.

But he did. And that was a different type of betrayal altogether. That was a selfishness they didn’t know how to explain, didn’t think Nile would get until 50, 100 years had gone by and the world had moved on and all they had- all they would ever have- was each other. 

That’s how it always was. It’s why each death- each loss- hit them so very hard. There were so few of them as it was. It didn’t matter whether they liked one another, got along- they needed each other to survive. To stay sane.

Booker’s actions changed that, because he made it clear he no longer valued their continued survival as a group. He made it clear that something had changed.

And something did change, after the labs. 

Sometimes, after jobs like this, they split up. Andy would take time, briefly, and Nicky and Joe would go off on their own. But there was something different in the air this time, and it wasn’t just Nile joining them or Copley working for them. 

Andy was different. She seemed more like her old self, reinvigorated and determined to help the world, no matter what. But she was also mortal now, and that changed things too. She’d always been the strongest of them, the one they turned to when they didn’t know what to do. Now, they had a newly determined Andy, but one for whom every hit counted.

Nicky had been quieter, too, ever since the labs, and Joe knew it was because he took Booker’s betrayal to heart. He was always too kind, too ready to forgive and move on, and Joe knew that even as Nicky had championed for Booker’s exile- Joe himself had wanted Booker locked away, like Merrick had tried to do to him and Nicky and Andy, and Nile had wanted to just forgive him- but even as all that was true, Joe knew that Nicky also wanted to just forgive Booker and move on, though not for the same reasons as Nile.

Andy wanted to forgive him, too, but she also understood that they couldn’t. That his betrayal had to be paid for in kind. She and Nicky were too alike, though, in how they held this betrayal close to their chest, allowed themselves to feel guilty for things that weren’t their fault.

Joe wasn’t ready to forgive. Booker could rot for the next 100 years for all he cared. Beyond that, he could maybe move on. But not yet.

And so they traveled, the four of them. They trained Nile, learned to work as a team watching Andy’s back- not that she was pleased about that turn of events. But it didn’t matter to them. They could take the hits, and she couldn’t, not anymore. They helped Nile acclimate to being an immortal. Joe taught her the perks- all the things she could try now, that she’d been too afraid to before. 

They learned as a team how to work with Copley. He was the one good thing that came from the whole Merrick debacle. With him covering their tracks and vetting jobs, they were able to do quite a bit of good. And he was able to warn them, when there were whispers about their condition, when they needed to lay low for a bit.

It took five missions before they collectively let out the breath they were holding, before they stopped vetting his jobs to make sure he wasn’t trying to screw them over again.

It was the sixth mission, six months after the lab, where everything went to shit.

He advised them against taking a job, but Andy had pushed the issue. There were whispers, currently, of someone still searching for them. Copley was investigating it, trying to figure out where their biological data had gone after Merrick’s death. The videos he’d shot were gone, deleted, but the samples Dr. Kozak had taken from Nicky and Joe were still in the lab when they left the building.

The job they’d taken was supposed to be easy. That should’ve been the first sign.

Easy jobs were always the first to go sideways. 

* * *

Joe had been starting to teach Nile languages. Andy knew the most, but Andy was in charge of Nile’s physical training, and they’d all long since decided Joe was the best with words anyways.

So Joe was teaching Nile languages. He started with Greek.

Andy rolled her eyes at him, but he could tell she was amused. Nicky just laughed and called him a romantic. When Nile looked at him questioningly, he also laughed, before leaning in.

“When Nicolo and I first met- really met, after 5 or 6 times of killing each other- we went round and round in circles trying to find a common language. I spoke only a little Italian; he spoke even less Arabic. Greek was the first language we had in common, and even then we both had to muddle through it as best we could.” Joe looked over at where Nicky was reading, a faint smile crossing his face as he did. 

Because Joe was teaching Nile languages- Greek and Spanish, currently, and it was very telling that Andy didn’t say anything about neither of the first languages being French even though they were _in_ France- it made sense that she would tail him during the beginning of this job. She may have had trial by fire with storming Merrick’s laboratories, but they were still teaching her the subtle nuances of the job- how not to be seen. She sat with him in the café, sipping a cappuccino and trying not to look conspicuous, while they watched the bank across the street.

It was supposed to be an easy job.

Joe glanced at his job. Andy and Nicky were likely on their way back to the safehouse now, but there was a sudden tightness in Joe’s gut that he couldn’t explain. He glanced around, looking for all the world like a casual civilian. There weren’t any threats here, anything to set off that feeling that something was Wrong. He almost wished there was.

It wasn’t a feeling he was used to. It wasn’t something he’d felt in a long time. 

He nodded to Nile, and they both wordlessly got up. It wasn’t till they were out of the café that he said anything.

“Did you feel that?” He kept his voice low, his statement vague.

“That…” she faltered for a moment, before recovering. “It felt like the dreams, but… _different_.” 

Joe nods, grimly. “Something _happened_.” Before Nile had a chance to ask, he continued. “I don’t know how or why, but it’s the same feeling…” he took a breath, and tried to keep his voice level, “it’s the same feeling we all got when Lykon died. When Quynh was thrown in the ocean.”

“You don’t think-“ Her expression has hardened, and Joe is struck by how ready she is to fight for them all now. 

“ _We need to get back to the safehouse._ ” He slid into the driver’s seat of their car, trying to remain calm. He hands tightened against the wheel of the car, and he could feel every inch of himself thrumming with adrenaline. His phone went off. 

_Copley._

He tossed it to Nile- at the speed he was driving, they’d both feel better if she answered it.

“It’s Nile.” She was quiet after that; too quiet, and for too long. Joe tightened his hands even more around the steering wheel. 

A minute went by. Maybe several. Joe wasn’t entirely sure; time seemed to be moving at a different rate now. He didn’t notice when Nile hung up, nor her looking at him worriedly. 

“Copley found something. Video footage. He said we need to see it, but Andy and Nicky are fine for now. He’s sending the footage over, and we can look at it once we get back to the safehouse.”

“What video footage? And what do you mean fine ‘ _for now_ ’?”

“He said we’ll understand when we see it.” Nile looked forward suddenly, and Joe noticed how tight her grip on his phone had gotten. “ _We’re almost to the safehouse_.”

The video did not, in fact, explain things. If anything it raised even more questions.

It was clearly security footage, although from what Joe remembered there shouldn’t have been any cameras where Nicky and Andy were. (Not for the first time, he silently thanked whatever forces- not Booker- had brought Copley into their lives to erase their footprints.)

It showed Nicky and Andy. Showed them completing their task, showed a flash bang going off and them being surrounded, and showed someone putting a bullet in Andy’s skull.

Joe’s pretty sure he threw something. He’s pretty sure Nile made some sort of noise. He can’t be 100% sure, however, because there’s a ringing in his ears and every fiber of his being is alight and he’s not sure he’s ever been this angry, as he watches them drug and bag Nicky and throw him in a van while Andromache’s body lays on the floor.

His anger bleeds into confusion as he watches the bullet wound on her forehead repair itself. As he watches Andy stand back up again, a little unsteadily, and go after Nicky. As he watches them drug and bag someone who’s immortality has run out, who shouldn’t have been able to come back from the dead. 

Apparently it wasn’t her time after all.

* * *

It was supposed to be an easy job.

Looking back, Nicky’s not sure there has ever been such a thing as an easy job. 

They were in and out with the information they needed quickly. There hadn’t even been a need for things to get violent; the trip took half an hour, and they ran into no problems the whole way. They still had most of the day left- “we could go site-seeing, point out all the little things that have changed throughout history to Nile”- he’d been saying, when it happened. 

One minute they were cutting through the garage, heading back to their car. The next, there was a bright light and all Nicky had time to think was _ambush_ before they were surrounded. He tried to get in front of Andy, to shield her, as has started to become habit on jobs. She never quite appreciated it, not from any of them when they did it, but it never stopped them. She was mortal now, and they wanted to keep her as safe as they could. Here it ended up not mattering; as he moved, he heard the two shots, watched Andromache fall for the final time, and everything went blank.

He could feel it, in his chest, in his gut, that hollow pain that came with loss. He had felt it twice before in his life- when Lykon died, and when Quynh was thrown into the ocean. There had never quite been a name to fit the feeling- at first, they had supposed it was when one of them died as a mortal, but after Quynh that assumption had been found incorrect- but it caught him off guard this time. He still managed to fire off a shot, but the next thing he knew there was a needle in his neck, and he could feel himself crumpling as everything went dark.

When Nicky awoke, his head hurt- a familiar ache, the ache of drugged thoughts and barely clinging consciousness- and there was some sort of bag over his head. Even with that, Nicky could guess with reasonable certainty that he was on the floor of a van, and his first thought was that it was the second time within a year.

His second thought was that at least whatever was to happen to him would not also happen to Joe. 

His third thought forced a choked sound out of his throat before he could stop it. _Andromache._

Nicky had not been there when Lykon had died. That was at a time that he and Joe had been in Libya. The two of them had felt it, but they had not yet understood what the feeling meant. But even in their ignorance the feeling sent them searching for the others.

After that they stayed together, the four of them. 

It wasn’t until England that they split up again- a decision that, this time, was made out of necessity, rather than a desire to go on their own. There were witch trials taking place, but there was plague and misfortunate besieging the whole country, and the supposed witches had not been the only people in desperate need of help.

That time, he thought he understood what the feeling meant. 

When he and Joe learned of Quynh’s fate, he knew it was not death that the feeling represented. He wondered, to himself, if the feeling was the loss Andromache and Quynh, and then just Andromache, felt. If it was so strong it rang throughout them all. Joe described it as being able to feel that something went _wrong_. Andy, when Lykon had died, had described it as feeling a loss. Feeling part of you leave.

To Nicky, it was a gut wrenching ache, a new hollow carved into his chest that made it feel, for a moment, as if he could not breath.

(In quiet moments, to himself, he wondered if this is what drowning felt like. He never said it out loud.)

He wondered if Booker would understand what he was feeling. He did not come until later, after Lykon and Quynh. He would have no reason to know what this feeling meant, but he was not stupid. He could probably place why he would feel this sort of pain.

He knew Joe would. And Joe would in turn explain it to Nile.

Nicky needed to get back to them. 

He twisted his hands in the cuffs experimentally. There were very few cuffs that were hard to get out of if you were willing to break enough bones, fracture and distend enough joints. He was willing to do any of it right now.

21st century zip ties complicated things. They pulled tighter, already cutting into the skin. He twisted his wrists again, before stiffening. Even with a bag over his head, there was no mistaking the sound of a gun. 

“Knock it off.” He did not recognize the voice- likely someone’s hired muscle. 

He wondered if they knew he was immortal. This could be the group that had been causing Copley’s whispers, that had assumed control of his and Joe’s DNA samples after Merrick’s death. Or it could just be a kidnapping and ransom.

He knew better than to say anything, until he knew for sure. There was not a lot he could do with the bag over his head- he had no way of knowing how many there were. If he could get the zip ties off, he could take the bag off. But they might shoot him first, like-

 _Andromache_. He made a retching noise, pulling his knees up to his chest. Andy. They _killed_ her.

He felt ill.

Lykon had died so many years ago. Even as they all knew each death could be their last, Andy had always seemed invincible. She predated all of them, and somehow it had always felt as if she would outlast them, too. But now she was dead. 

Andy was dead. 

His head pounded, and even though it was already dark he closed his eyes. He did not cry, hadn’t when Lykon died, hadn’t went Quynh was taken away. But here, now, he could feel the tears welling, and he bit his tongue in an effort to keep silent. He would get out of this situation. He would survive this, because it was _not his time yet_ , and-

It should not have been her time, either.

They should not have let her come on missions. Even as he had the thought, he knew there was not anything they could have done to stop her. But she should not have put herself in the line of fire.

There would not have been any stopping her.

Eventually the van stopped. 

They hauled him to his feet, out of the van. He made it two steps before he felt something prick his neck, and his consciousness faded to darkness once more.

* * *

Andy should’ve known better. She knew this. There’s no such thing as an easy job, not really.

But the thing was, even mortal, the last few jobs _had_ been easy. She had a renewed sense of purpose, now, and she felt like what they were doing was _good_ and _right_.

And from the get go this job _had_ been easy. They were in and out quickly, gathering what they needed and leaving without any violence. It hadn’t even taken them an hour. They were out of the building, in the parking garage. Nicky was saying something about sightseeing, about Nile enjoying them talking about history- and he wasn’t wrong, she always looked at them a little giddy and disbelieving, like the sheer age of them still astonished her- when the flash grenade went off.

Within moments they were surrounded. Andy had pulled her gun, and she could see Nicky moving in front of her, but someone was approaching gun raised and it was like time slowed down. They fired at the same time. She could, at the very least, take some satisfaction in knowing that while he had killed her, till the very end she’d died fighting- she’d killed him, too.

She felt guilty dying right now. Nile wasn’t ready to be done training. Nicky was going to hold this guilt just like he did the guilt over Booker’s betrayal, because he was with her now when she died. She’d never found- she’d never apologized- to Quynh. 

She found that she wasn’t ready to die. But she knew it didn’t work like that.

Or at least, that was her thought, till she found herself blearily blinking awake on the concrete ground in the same parking garage she had just been killed in. 

She hadn’t been this disoriented waking up from a death since the first couple of times. She was mortal- her wounds no longer healed. She wasn’t supposed to come back. She’d told Booker to have a little faith, even when she hadn’t herself. But maybe it wasn’t her time after all.

She stood up shakily. Had time to see them finish bundling a bagged Nicky into a van- she lunged after him, opened her mouth to call out, when someone jammed a sharp object- a needle- into her neck, and she felt herself crumbling again.

When she woke, she was chained down in what appeared to be an ambulance. She had a mask on, and she was pretty sure that heavily contributed to the fogginess- they were drugging her.

She blinked slowly, assessing the situation. An ambulance. They’d put Nicky in a van. 

“I’m glad to see you are awake.” She knew that voice. Turning, she saw her. Dr. Meta Kozak. She frowned, trying to focus through the fog. Hadn’t she died when Nile stormed the Merrick laboratories? “A concussion is not death, I am afraid, and none of you bothered to check to make sure I was dead.” Her confusion must have shown on her face. “I knew better than to try and take you all on- I played dead till you left, gathered what samples I had taken, and found someone else who wanted to fund my…shall we say research into your unique condition.” 

Dr. Kozak saw Andy’s stony face and smiled. “You need not worry- no one else knows about your condition. I didn’t need a repeat debacle of what happened with Merrick. No, this time the situation had to be approached more…delicately. My sponsor simply thinks I’m on a breakthrough, for organ growth and restoration.” She looked Andy up and down before continuing. “I must say, I did not expect you to survive. Last time I saw you, you had lost your immortality. I take it you have since regained it? Though none of you were the wiser- you seemed surprised to come back, and your friend thinks you’re dead.”

Andy yanked at the chains. They’d chained her in multiple areas, up and down her arms and middle, in an attempt to keep her from being able to fight.

“You needn’t worry about him. He’s going to help so _very_ many people, just like you all wanted to do.” Dr. Kozak smiled grimly at her. “Now, why don’t you go back to sleep?” More gas filled the mask and everything went dark again.

The next time Andy woke up, she was strapped down to some sort of medical bed- and every part of her was strapped down, from her ankles to her forehead. She scowled at the doctor.

“I see you’re awake again.”

“You will be stopped.” Andy’s voice was flat. 

Dr. Kozak just smiled. “You dedication to your personal freedom, while admirable, really is selfish. Merrick, however foolish, was correct- you could change the world, I will no more ask your consent than I would a lab mouse.” She paused for a moment. “Although the tests I plan to run on you are more to divine whether or not immortality could be bottled and sold. If you can lose it, and regain it, then others should be able to gain it as well.” She looked speculative. “The money that could come from that would be able to fund any manor of medical research I might want to do. And between you and your friend…I can make do with two, I suppose.”

“So we’re your lab rats now? To be kept in cages while you experiment with us as you see fit?” Andy growled. 

Dr. Kozak shook her head. “No, just you. I promised to deliver financial results to my new sponsor, and I’m sure providing a steady stream of organ donations for those who need them will suffice. I can’t do experiments on your friend and keep his organs healthy. Having you,” she smiled distantly, “just sped up the process of my studies.” She came back over to where Andy was. “Now hold still.”

In the 6,000 years Andy had roamed this Earth, she had experienced innumerable, unmeasurable amounts of pain. 

But there was always something about being taken apart for _science_ , something about being cut into slowly and methodically, accompanied by a disturbing calm from the person doing it, that set her on edge in a very different way. There was something about pieces being cut away from her, put into jars to be labelled and stored for other people’s use, that left her trying to focus on anything other than what was happening. 

She needed to form a plan. Needed to come up with how to free herself, get out of here, find Nicky. He didn’t know she was alive. 

She had a selfish, terrible moment where she wished he wasn’t the one here with her. She wouldn’t have wished this on anyone, not really. Especially not Nile- she was too young, too new. But Nicky was last good of them. He believed, truly, in the goodness of people, even when they all struggled to hold true to that. 

She didn’t want that to leave him. And he’d been someone’s science experiment once already this year.

This year wasn’t their first experience with someone who believed they didn’t have a right to their lives, their freedom, because of the scientific explanations they could provide. There had been others, throughout history, who wanted to take them apart and put them back together again in the name of science. People who believed it was their scientific _duty_.

She still preferred them to those who had believed it was their _divine_ duty. Religion held no place in her life anymore. It held no place in any of the lives of the immortals, although some gave it up sooner than others.

She’d felt _like_ a god, once, and was worshipped as such after the first time she came back from the dead. It would take centuries more to humble her into realizing that this world was somewhere gods didn’t belong. If gods existed, if that’s where they got their immortality from, they’d all but abandoned this world, and the immortals too.

She knew Joe had taken years to give up his faith. He’d reconciled his faith and what happened well enough at first, believing it all to just be his fate, his path to walk.

But she’d seen that belief leave him, she knew he didn’t believe the same way he used to.

She wasn’t sure Booker had ever believed in something. And if he had, that belief left him when his last son cursed him, told him his love was selfish and cruel and fake. 

It was Nicky who held his faith the longest, and she knew it was Nicky who struggled with his faith the most. Nicky who tried desperately to reconcile everything he was taught, everything he believed in, with his love for a _man_ who stood for everything he had been taught to hate. Nicky who spent years as _Nicolo, Nico, Nicholas_ , praying to a god who never responded, seeking absolution and answers for everything that had happened.

Andy hoped in her heart that Nile would be able to reconcile her belief with her god faster than the rest of them had. She focused on that hope, instead of on the knife separating bone from cartilage, from bone. 

She had enough of a mind to wonder how long it would take for Copley to track them down. 

* * *

They’d called Copley after watching the video. He was working on locating Andy and Nicky from the video, and tracing the van, finding out where they were taken.

In the meantime, he needed Joe and Nile to wait. There wasn’t anything they could do, not until he had a location.

When you’re immortal, time takes on a different quality. You develop a level of patience mortals couldn’t possibly imagine. 

Joe found that in this moment he had none of that patience he had developed over the last millennia. Not while he knew that there were horrors awaiting Nicky. Awaiting Andy. And as night fell, with Copley not being able to provide real concrete answers, it began to feel as though he were suffocating.

Nile tried to keep busy throughout the day, tried to keep _both_ of them busy. She knew that there was nothing they could do but wait. But she found herself getting more and more stressed as the day turned to night. Copley had minimal actual answers for them. And the longer they spent not knowing where to go, not doing anything, the more damage could be done to Andy and Nicky.

Night fell and they both found themselves unable to sleep. They stayed up, not talking, not doing anything, really, other than pacing around the living room and checking for answers from Copley and _worrying_. Eventually, as night started turning back to morning, Nile found herself succumbing to sleep, slumped over on the couch.

It was brief. But it was long enough to see the vision.

It was the same woman- they’d said her name was Quynh- but this time she wasn’t underwater. She was with Booker. In what looked like a run down apartment.

Nile woke up with a start, and Joe immediately looked at her, concerned.

“ _Quynh_.” She gasped out. “She’s _free_. With Booker.” He surged forward, his face searching hers for answers.

“What else did you see?”

“Labels…French. In his apartment.” Nile took a deep breath. “I’m not sure what else.”

“It’s a start.” Joe pulled out his phone. “I’ll ask Copley to look into that, too.” He hesitated for a moment.

“They could help us.” Nile reasoned. “It won’t be hard for Copley to find Booker, it won’t take time out of him searching for Andy and Nicky. And they could help us.” She hesitated. “I know that…you’re angry with him.”

Joe shook his head. “It doesn’t matter anymore, not if Quynh’s with him.” He sighed. “I’ll call Copley.” Joe went into the kitchen, and Nile could hear him speaking to Copley about locating Booker. She tucked her legs up to her chest, leaning her forward down on them. She hoped this wasn’t a mistake. 

She could feel Quynh’s pain, her confusion, her anger. It all simmered, just underneath the surface of her skin, and Nile knew she could erupt at any moment. She was angry, at humanity and at them. At everyone. She felt abandoned and lost. The ocean had taken everything from her, stripped her of her sense of direction and self. It had left her with nothing but raw emotion, rage and fear and pain.

But then she had gotten out. She had broken through the worn down, rusted metal, the metal that twisted and bent over years and years of water and pressure. Twisted and bent just like her consciousness was, something that only barely resembled what it had started as.

And now she was on land, free from the water. The pain and fear bled away. Until the only emotion she had left was rage. 

Her rage was suffocating her just like the water had before. 

But her rage wasn’t the only thing there. She felt lost, directionless. The ocean had consumed her for the last 500 years- now, without it, she was left without a goal. She was trying to find direction and using her rage to point her. And Nile was worried about what they meant for them, what that meant for why she had sought out Booker.

Booker had never met her, yes. But Nile hadn’t either, and Nile was with the others. Quynh could have sought her out just as easily. 

But she didn’t, and that had to mean something.

So Nile was worried. 

Joe came back into the living room and stopped in front of her. He sat on the coffee table, looking at his phone in his hands. “Copley said it shouldn’t be too hard to find Booker. An-” he stopped for a moment, taking a breath, “Andy has been having him keep tabs. Booker has a couple of apartments, he’ll send me the address when he figures out which one he’s in.”

Nile paused for a moment before she spoke, trying to come up with the right words to voice what she had felt, what she had been feeling. “She feels? Angry. Lost. I’m not sure-” she stopped, for a moment hesitating, “I’m not sure that she wanted to see…”

“Us.” Joe confirmed. “I know. There’s a reason she went to see Booker, instead of finding you.” It hurt, even as he understood it. It was an ache he had managed to bury deep inside him, the guilt that came with the knowledge that they had stopped looking for her, that she had died, drowning, alone in a cage, for 500 years. That the darkness and the water had consumed her and none of them had been able to do anything about it- at least, with Lykon, they had been able to comfort themselves, in the later years, with the knowledge that it was his time. Whatever gave them this power had decided he’d used enough of it.

But Quynh’s suffering was made by man and their inability to find her. They deserved whatever rage she felt towards them.

He’d told Nile, once, that Andy carried that guilt with her, the guilt of Quynh still being locked down there. The guilt of having lost Quynh, of never finding her again, of giving up. He hadn’t felt the need to burden Nile with the knowledge that it was a guilt they shared. All three of them stopped looking for her, and they had to live with that knowledge.

He had to live with the knowledge that if it had been Nicky, he would’ve razed the whole world looking for him. He never would have stopped. Not till he died, and maybe not even after.

* * *

Nicky knew something was wrong as soon as he woke up.

Everything hurt. There was a burning pain in his chest, his side. He was strapped down to a medical table. It hurt to move, to exist- even _breathing_ hurt, in a way it had never hurt before.

“Nice of you to join us.” 6 months ago, he had woken up tied to a bed in a lab with a doctor who wanted to cut him open to use his body in the name of scientific progress. He had thought, afterwards, that they had killed her. But here Dr. Kozak was, alive and breathing and cleaning a scalpel. He shifted, attempting to get a bearing of his surroundings, and had a sharp intake of breath at the pain. That breath was an immediate regret- it lit his whole chest aflame.

“Careful there. I really would prefer you didn’t die- you’ll mess up the test.” She turned to face him, and her face was cold. Emotionless and calculating, in a way he had long since learned only doctors and lawmen- only those who felt justified in their actions by the benefit towards the greater good- could be. “I want to see how long it takes your body to regrow a lung. You don’t need to worry, you previous lung isn’t going to go to waste- it’s currently sitting on ice and being transported to someone in desperate need of a transplant.” 

She paused, assessing him. “Your body is going to progress science and health in remarkable and unbelievable ways.”

“What is it,” Nicky found himself struggling to speak, every word burning through him. He had never been as verbose or well spoken as Joe, now as likely to wax poetic or give a speech, but he found in this moment that he weighed each word carefully, knowing he would feel each one deep in his chest, in the burning of his lungs- lung, he supposed- and trachea. “that makes you feel you have a right to do this?”

“Your selfishness.” She had turned away again, taking care of something on the table next to him. “You all think your autonomous right outweighs the right of the world, the right to rob the world of the good you could provide it. Even Merrick, for all his attributes, could not see all the benefits that existed right in front of him.” 

She turned to face him again, meeting his eyes directly, as if trying to get him to understand. “You called me immoral, before, but I think it would be more immoral not to take this opportunity to better the entire world. What is the suffering of one when it saves the lives of countless? Your body alone, before any experiments are even done, has invaluable organs that people are in constant need of. Organs that you, unlike any other human, can regrow. That alone is reason enough.” He gasped suddenly, the pain in his chest increasing tenfold. He could feel his body putting itself back together, trying to piece out what it was missing and fill in the holes. Large wounds took longer, and hurt more, but Nicky had never had to regrow a whole organ before.

It hurt significantly worse than regrowing a limb, was more akin to when the back of his head resealed itself shut, his brain forming from where it had previously been splattered on the floor.

Only this time his consciousness was entirely present for it.

It hurt to breath, but it felt like the breath had been knocked clean out of his lungs. Something was ripping through his chest, and all the while Dr. Kozak peered at him like he was little more than an interesting bug. A mouse, like they had compared him and Joe to, originally. 

“Interesting.” She glanced at the machines next to him. “I don’t suppose you could tell me whether or not it would slower if I took more than one organ?” She didn’t seem to expect a response from him, instead continuing, “We’ll have to see once you’re done regrowing this one- your other lung could be of some use, as could a kidney.”

As the pain lessened slightly, and Nicky found he could breathe again, he found himself immeasurably grateful that Joe and Nile hadn’t come with him. He let the guilt of that thought wash over him- Andy was dead, was dead because it had been her with him and not one of them. Andy was dead, and he was lying here being grateful someone else hadn’t come with.

Nile was still too young. He knew that even dead, Andy would understand that.

And he was always willing to make sacrifices when it came to Joe. Joe meant more to him than anyone could ever fathom. He was the brightest light in Nicky’s life, the rising sun keeping him warm and safe. He was home, and as long as he existed in the world, in Nicky’s world, things would be okay in the end.

But he knew it was selfish, to be grateful. 

As Dr. Kozak set about checking his vitals, making sure he had re-stabilized before cutting him open again, he allowed all the guilt he carried with him to bubble up.

He normally did not. He forgave others, and carried on himself, and did not feel that dwelling on his guilt would help anyone. He knew Joe worried about it, worried about him, described him as overflowing with the kindness of which this world is not worthy of. But he knew it was not as true as Joe would like to believe. 

Booker had been correct, in that he and Joe had never really known what it meant to be alone in their immortality. They had killed each other once, twice, countless times, but they had always had each other, even when they barely shared a language. He could not help but feel guilty, in a way, that they were fated to meet each other at the very beginning of their immortal lives, and the others were destined to spend so long alone. 

He felt guilty about Andy. About Quynh. It consumed him, washed over him, the knowledge deep in his heart that the ache of their loss that he felt was always tinged with the barest hint of relief that it was not yet Joe’s time. That his beloved would not yet be taken from him, be sentenced to some eternal suffering.

Andy’s death brought back a new feeling, an old feeling, that deep seated guilt of sin that he had never quite been able to shake, even as it no longer held the weight it used to. A guilt of sin that he felt from the moment he first realized he would abandon everything he had ever been taught to believe in for the sake of a single man, a Saracen. Yusuf. Joe. The man he would love more than he had ever loved a single thing in his life.

He was reminded of this guilt, this sin, as he was reminded of his uncertainty in death. He had been so sure, once, of what happened when people died. But when you’ve died and come back countless times, when you’ve stared death in the face and realized that it doesn’t have the concrete meaning you had previously believed, it becomes harder to believe in other things. It becomes harder to be sure that the things you’ve been taught your whole life, the things you were prepared to live and die for, are really the truth. 

Especially in the face of knowing the people you’ve been taught to hate, those who are supposed to be the enemy, are the people from whom the love of your life hails.

Thinking about Joe, about religion, about all the things Nicky knew to be true and all the things that even after a millennia he was not sure of, could almost distract him from the searing pain that he felt as Dr. Kozak worked.

* * *

Copley had an address for them by morning. By early afternoon they found themselves inside Booker’s run down apartment, Booker pacing nervously, shooting glances between Joe and Quynh, while she remained seated on his couch and Joe sat opposite her. 

Nile hovered to the side. She understood where she fit in the group of immortals now- working with them for 6 months would do that- but here, in this small apartment, Joe and Quynh facing off, she felt a little bit like the outsider- a feeling she was fairly certain Booker shared, by the look on his face. 

After an incredibly awkward greeting, Joe had all but forced his way into Booker’s apartment, giving him little options to argue. There, he’d found himself face to face with Quynh. They’d both been disturbingly quiet since that moment, as Booker busied himself getting her and Joe water. Nile was struck by the fact that even in the short time she’d known him, she knew that seemed odd. 

“Why have you come here now?” Nile wasn’t sure what she had expected Quynh to sound like, but she hadn’t expected her voice to be so calm. So steady. It was nearly the opposite of how she had felt, internally, in the dream last night. 

Joe looked conflicted for a moment. “Quynh-”

“You all stopped looking.” It was matter of fact. A statement with little judgement, little emotional at all. As if she was just observing the proceedings around her, acknowledging facts to strangers, instead of finding herself face to face with someone who she hadn’t seen in 500 years.

“We searched for more than a century. Anyone who knew where you were was dead.” The excuses sounded weak, even to Joe. But there was nothing else he _could_ say. 

“That shouldn’t have stopped you. It wouldn’t have if it were Nico.” Her gaze was unflinching, daring him to challenge that notion, to say different. She was right, and they both knew it. 

“Andy-” he stopped for a moment, wondering how much he should reveal. How much it was his place to reveal. “Andrea couldn’t, anymore.” He looked like he had more to say, but he stopped himself. It wasn’t his place to tell her that something inside Andy had become so irreparably damaged, so broken beyond repair, that he and Nicky had worried that if they did not stay with her after she stopped she would break down completely.

“She goes by Andy now.” There was an edge now, in Quynh’s voice, but it didn’t surprise Joe. They’d changed their names a handful of times throughout history, as times had changed and names had fallen out of favor. Andy’s name now was a stark reminder of how much time had passed.

“Yes.”

“Why isn’t she here?” He could hear all the accusations unsaid. _Why did she stop looking? Why didn’t she come as soon as she knew I was free? Why doesn’t she care?_

“She and Nicky were taken. We need to get them back. We thought maybe,” He glanced at Booker, finally, who couldn’t even meet his eyes, before continuing, “the two of you might like to help.” 

Quynh’s laugh, off-kilter and high pitch, was a stark reminder to everyone in the room that as much as they tried, they could never really understand what she had went through. “You want me to help you free Andrea and Nico when you all _left me in the ocean for 500 years?_ ” Her voice devolved to a hiss near the end, her true feelings finally coloring the emotion in her voice.

“Yes.” Booker and Nile exchanged a look. They could feel the tension rising in the room, the energy flowing between Quynh, 500 years lost and looking for something to take her rage out on, and Joe, who was never going to be able to take no for an answer when it came to saving Andy, to saving _Nicky_.

Joe glanced at Booker, and his face hardened. He turned back to Quynh with absolute resolution written on every line of his body. “All we have is each other. Mortals will come and go and die, and we will still be here.”

“You _left_ me!” Quynh was standing now, fists clenched, eyes wild. “You left me to die, over and over with no escape, no reprieve from the darkness and isolation and cold. You _abandoned_ me to the ocean so you could _move on and forget about me._ ”

“You’re a _fool_ if you think we _forgot_ about you.” Joe’s voice was harsh now, as he stood to meet her eye to eye. “We didn’t forget- we just were trying not to lose any _more_. It almost killed Andromache, Quynh, searching for you endlessly, her guilt that she felt, _still feels_. It nearly killed her, it changed her irreparably, and she has been consumed by the guilt of it ever since.”

Joe took a breath, and then suddenly looked down, not meeting anyone’s eyes. “With all the money in the world, and modern technology, we had sent people looking for you again. Andy…Andy had become a mortal, Quynh. She thought she’d have all the time, when she was stronger again, to search for you, but-”

“She’s mortal?” Quynh’s voice was strangely muted, delicate, like she thought maybe if she said it quiet enough it wouldn’t be true. _Couldn’t_ be true.

At that, Joe glanced at Nile, before sighing and shaking his head slightly. “She was. I don’t know what happened, but when they took her, she regained her immortality. We saw her become mortal, but we also saw her get shot and come back to life again.” 

“That’s not…possible.” Booker couldn’t help himself, found himself contributing to the conversation again. 

“I think we’re long past what is and isn’t possible, personally.” Somehow the fact that they could regain immortality was less wild to Nile than she had thought it would have been. 

And somehow that was that. The knowledge that Andy had become mortal, and then again immortal, was enough to leave Quynh argument-less, at least for now. Nile had a feeling that this wouldn’t be the last of the problems they faced- how could someone come back from dying that many times and be truly okay?

But for now, at least, they could try and plan how to get Andy and Nicky back. Joe called Copley again, to update him on the situation and see if he’d found anything. He still had nothing concrete to give them, but he had a couple leads he was following this time- whoever had taken Andy and Nicky had tried hard to cover their trail, and had a lot of money to do it. 

Copley told them he suspected whoever took them was the same person who took the samples and data from Merrick’s lab. A rogue scientist, lab assistant with ambition maybe. He was doing a comprehensive search to see if anyone from the lab had resurfaced again somewhere else, and cross referencing where they resurfaced with the records for the van that they had seen in the video.

So far, nothing.

Joe and Nile ended up bringing Booker and Quynh back to the safehouse with them. Joe and Booker were still not speaking to each other, and Quynh was withdrawn, looking at everything from under a layer of suspicion, so the drive was mostly filled with Nile telling Booker what she had learned in the last six months. 

It wasn’t that she was afraid of the silence. It was that she was afraid if she let the car stay too silent for too long, one of them would say something they’d regret. 

She ended up not needing to be worried. As one day turned to two within the safehouse, everyone was too on edge, too concerned about Andy and Nicky to be bothered to provoke each other. No one was sure whether or not Andy’s new immortality was conditional upon anything- what if she only got once chance again at life? What if, even after it all, she died again?

And then there was the matter of that this was the second time Nicky had been taken. Six months and she’d never seen Joe act like this. 

But she could understand it. He and Nicky always looked at each other like the other hung the moon, like they really did believe that it was fate that brought them together. 

And from what she had seen of them, he was protective of Nicky, especially in the face of those who would do them harm. He thought Nicky was kinder than the world deserves, she knew that, and maybe he was right.

Joe was angry now, as angry as he was when he was trying to get them to leave Booker behind- angrier even, maybe. 

Nile couldn’t say she blamed him. She’d gotten angrier than she was back then, thinking about it. It doesn’t matter that they’re immortal- that doesn’t give other people a right to their bodies. People have a right to them autonomous self, and this obligation that they must give that up to science to help others just because they’re immortal doesn’t exist. It’s a falsehood made up by doctors so they can justify their own actions, their own ambitions. 

All told it took four days before Copley had an address. He found someone who he thought might have been Merrick’s head doctor, but her name was different now. Enough lined up, however, to warrant them going and taking a look- her research facility had apparently developed a new method to grow organs for transplant and was planning on taking it to the market soon.

No one wanted to think about what that meant for Andy and Nicky. 

They gathered their weapons and got ready to storm the research facility. Quynh armed herself to the teeth with blades, and Nile was struck by the fact that she didn’t know how to shoot a gun- she wouldn’t have had a chance to learn, they came after she got trapped.

Nile doubted it would really matter. 

She was right. The guards in the research facility never stood a chance against the four of them.

* * *

There was gunfire. Andy could hear it, coming from somewhere else in the building.

Nile and Joe were here. 

She’d known they would come through eventually and rescue them. She’d lost track of time, wasn’t sure exactly how many days had gone by. It was hard to tell, with everything Dr. Kozak had done to her and injected her with, how much time she was losing. But she knew a couple days had gone by, at least.

But when her door was thrown open, and she found herself face to face with a phantom, she began to wonder if she was underestimating with the doctor gave her.

“This is a very nice dream, for whatever Kozak gave me.” It was rare that she dreamt anymore, and normally when she did it was of Quynh’s death, of her being taken away. Not this.

“You do not get to dream of me.” Her voice was never quite this cold, either. “Not when you left me and stopped looking.” 

“And yet. You’re here.” Andy couldn’t help the slightest smile. The gunfire sounded in the distance. She couldn’t possible have much longer with this not-Quynh.

“And yet I am.” Not-Quynh set about undoing her bindings, and Andy’s thoughts all stopped in their tracks. “Very much real and very much free, no thanks to any of you.”

“You…can’t really be here.” Andy reached her free hand out and placed it, carefully, lightly, on Quynh’s arm. Quynh stilled. “ _How?_ ”

“Metal rusts and warps with time.” Was the only answer Quynh gave. “Get up.”

And so Andy found herself being led, on somewhat unsteady feet, out of the room by someone she had feared never to see again. Someone she had once thought lost to her forever, who haunted her dreams and nightmares in equal measure.

Nile, Booker, and Joe were in the hall, and Andy blinked. Even with the evidence in front of her, she was surprised to see Joe willingly working with Booker. She knew he thought Booker didn’t get it, only cared about himself.

She knew better. Booker thought about her, too. And in his less weak moments, he did care about Joe and Nicky. He just resented them, a little bit, in his belief that they hadn’t struggled. They were a little over 800 years older than him. It’s not like he saw the beginning, not like she did, where they spent more time alone than together.

But in the grand scheme of things, Booker hadn’t really been alive that long. He had time to learn still.

Watching him and Joe work together to take out Kozak’s security, she couldn’t help but feel it wouldn’t take him that long.

“So you’re immortal again.” Andy appreciated Nile’s blunt upfront-ness. It made for a good addition to the team.

“So I am.” Andy shrugged. “It wasn’t my time to die yet.” Looking at Quynh, who wielded a sword with precision to cut down the next guard, she had an inkling as to why. There were things she still needed to make right.

She was glad she would get a chance to. 

“Where’s Nicky?” Joe cut in. 

Andy shook her head. “I’m not sure. Kozak kept us apart this time. But I imagine wherever he is, that’s where she is as well.”

Nile handed her the labrys, and Andy rolled her wrist once, swinging it around. “Let’s go find them.” Hunting down Kozak and getting Nicky, that was something she could do. She’d worry about everything else after.

They fought their way through the building. Clearly, Kozak had anticipated them eventually arriving- there was at least as much security here as there had been at Merrick’s lab, and Merrick had employed a small army. 

It didn’t matter. There were five of them, and they were immortal. 

She found, fighting side by side with Quynh, that it felt almost as if no time had passed. They still fought perfectly in tandem with each other, could anticipate each other’s moves to the letter. She obviously fought well with the others, but she had missed this connection.

Eventually they found themselves in a second lab. Joe rushed over the where Nicky was passed out on a table, immediately taking Nicky’s head in his hands and murmuring something quietly in Italian. 

Dr. Kozak, from the other side of the room, went to move, and Andy turned her gun towards her. “Don’t even _think_ about it.” 

“You are all being selfish, do you know how many lives-” She let out a scream and crumpled as a gunshot went off, the bullet having gone clean through her leg. Everyone looked back at where Joe and Nicky still were situated, Joe half bent over Nicky, and Nicky holding Joe’s gun.

“I think I have heard enough of how selfish personal freedom is for the next few centuries, at least.” Nicky said mildly. Joe ran a hand down his cheek, speaking softly, and Nicky closed his eyes again. Joe set about undoing the straps keeping him held down. 

Quynh went over to where Dr. Kozak lay on the floor, gasping, and stared curiously down at her. “Mortals really never change, do they? All they care about is themselves.”

Nicky shot up, groaning. “ _Quynh_.” He stared at her, wide eyed, and then finally seemed to see Andy. “ _Andromache_. I saw them kill you.” He looked a little sick, to be honest. Andy worried, suddenly, that he’d be carrying that guilt with him too- the guilt of seeing her die, of feeling he couldn’t protect her. 

“Apparently it was not her time to die.” Quynh did not look up from where she was peering at the doctor. 

Nicky blinked between the two of them like he could not quite believe what he was seeing, before slumping against Joe, who carefully wrapped an arm around him. Joe pressed their foreheads together, continuing to speak softly in Italian- Andy could hear herself mentioned, and Quynh, and assumed he was explaining what had gone down in the last couple of days. 

Nicky didn’t look good. Everything healed so fast on them, sometimes it was hard to tell, but sometimes they went though things that just…showed. On their skin and in their eyes.

Andy didn’t actually imagine she looked much better, though at least she was standing and had her labrys. She didn’t _feel_ much better than he looked. She could feel the after effects of whatever was the last thing Dr. Kozak injected her with coursing through her veins still, making its way out of her system.

The doctor’s noises were suddenly gone, and Andy turned to see Quynh having cut the Dr. Kozak down. Andy nodded, and turned to Joe and Nicky. “Are you ready to go now?”

Joe nodded, pulling Nicky off the bed and to his feet. “We should burn this place down, so no one can access the data.”

It wasn’t hard to figure out how to set the place ablaze. It was a medical lab, there were plenty of flammable things around, and they concentrated the fire on the labs, where the data was most likely stored. 

“She said no one else knew, this time. Just her.” Andy had let the others know. “So now that the data is gone we should be free. We shouldn’t have to worry about this anymore.”

“Even so,” Joe had said from the backseat- Booker had offered to drive one of the other cars, so Andy found herself driving Quynh, Joe, Nicky, and Nile back in the car they came in, Quynh quiet in the front seat next to her and the other three spread out in the back, Nicky tucked against Joe’s chest, Joe’s hands curled against his chest and the back of his neck, “even so, we should lay low for a while.”

“We should get out of France.” Nile added.

“The house in Catania,” Joe said suddenly, looking down at Nicky, “let’s go there.”

Andy sighed, but made no move to argue. She didn’t really care where they stayed, as long as it wasn’t here. 

* * *

It was evening in the following day before they were at the safehouse in Catania. Andy had summarily decided they were all going, even Booker, and no one dared argue with her after everything. They would talk about what would happened next after…a vacation, of sorts. 

It was a decent sized house- four bedrooms. Nile disappeared into one and Booker into another, obviously wanting to give everyone space. Nicky and Joe went to theirs- they had a room specified in each house they had- and Andy stood awkwardly in the living room, looking at Quynh, who was standing out on their balcony. 

“You gave up.” Her voice was quieter than it used to be, but the accusation was clear in it all the same. “Joseph said it was because it almost killed you.” She turned, finally, to look at Andy. “Tell me, Andromache, why did you give up on me?” There was iron in her voice, the strength and rage born under miles of seawater, from years of nothing but darkness and the ocean.

“I’m sorry.” 6,000 years on Earth, and Andromache could still probably count the number of times she’d apologized. Almost of them were to people who lived lives longer than anyone else thought humanly possible. “I shouldn’t have stopped.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“I…” Andy hesitated, for once. She picked her words carefully. “Everyone who was on that boat with you died. I searched the area all around the town we were in. I searched for over a century.” She ran a hand through her hair, before collapsing onto the couch. “You were _gone_.”

Quynh looked down at her from where she stood, her face emotionless. “The first 300 years, I had the knowledge that you were searching for me to keep me going. After Booker, I saw him with you, and I knew you had stopped.”

200 years. 200 years of being trapped, knowing no one was searching for her. Andy took a deep breath. “I am…sorry, Quynh.”

“Sometimes it still feels like I’m down there.” Quynh was looking out the open balcony doors, now, a faraway look gracing her features. “Sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe, and sometimes thoughts do not work the way they are supposed to.” She had lapsed back into Vietnamese, specifically a dialect that Andy was fairly certain had changed drastically in the millennia since. But it didn’t matter. It was a language Andy knew, and would never forget.

“Quynh…” Andy stood, walking to where Quynh was, and hesitated. “What can I do, how can I…” she stopped. Andy knew there was no making this right. Dying over and over again, alone in the ocean for 500 years was something that would change you, irreparably. 

“I want them to pay.” Her face was still impassive, her voice calm, but there was a simmer of rage just under her skin that Andy could feel. “I am not so sure we were made immortal to _help_ the mortals. I am not sure they deserve our help. I think perhaps we are meant to punish them, instead, for their wickedness.”

Andy shook her head and finally took Quynh’s hands. Quynh stared down at them blankly. “I don’t believe that. We’ve done so much good for them, we’ve made some of them better.”

“And what about the ones who aren’t? We just rescued you and Nico from doctors who would have taken you apart just because they could. They need to _pay_.” Quynh’s hands were shaking, Andy realized, like the rage needed a physical outlet out of her. It took everything in Andy’s power not to pull Quynh into her arms, but she did not think it would be well received.

“She did pay. She’s dead now, you killed her. You made her pay.” Andy tried to catch Quynh’s eyes, but Quynh was still looking at their linked hands. Andy squeezed her hands a little, trying to get her to understand. “That doesn’t mean we can’t also do good.”

“They don’t deserve our good.” Her voice was flat, but resolute. Her time in the ocean had convinced her that the mortals did not deserve the good they had done for them for several millennia. Not if they were willing to commit such heinous acts of horror.

“You might be right. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it.” Andy knew mortals were capable of terrible things. She didn’t have Nicky’s absolute faith that they were more good than not. She just didn’t think it mattered. Some were good, and those were the ones they did the good in the world for. Those were the ones they sought to help.

Quynh hesitated before speaking, and when she spoke it was quieter. “I am not so sure I can do that, anymore.”

Andy sighed, still holding her hands tightly. “That’s alright. I…” Andy thought about what she could say here. What she should say here. In the end, the only thing to say was the truth. “You know I love you all the same.”

“I am not sure I can love anymore, either.” It was said in the same resolute, matter of fact tone as everything else. Andy just shook her head and squeezed her hands again.

“That’s okay.” She pulled one of her hands out from Quynh’s and carefully lay it on Quynh’s jaw, the side of her face, cradling her like she was something precious, something to be treasured. “I think you underestimate your resilience. You haven’t been free long. Things will come back to you- we have a long time to make sure of it.”

“ _Don’t_.” Quynh pulled her face away, but stopped short of pulling her hand out of Andy’s. She hesitated, looking at their joined hands again.

“I know it’s been a long time alone.” Andy used their hands to pull Quynh into a hug. She felt Quynh tense, and go to push her, but she stopped short of actually doing it. Instead, there was a moment where Quynh stood very, very stiff, and Andy could feel her shaking. For a moment she wondered if she had miscalculated, before Quynh relaxed, ever so minutely, in her arms. “I _am_ sorry. I’m never going to leave you alone again.”

“I don’t believe you.” Quynh said quietly, her forehead coming to rest on Andy’s shoulder for a moment. 

“I promise, Quynh.” Andy brought her hand up to the back of Quynh’s neck, rubbed her thumb there comfortingly. “Come to bed with me. Just- you need _sleep_. Real sleep. Let me take care of you now.”

“I don’t want to be taken care of.” It was telling that Quynh did not dislodge her hand from the back of her neck, did not pull away from her embrace. Andy knew she could. 

“Let me do it for me, then. I…” Andy hesitated, for a moment, and Quynh took that moment to change the subject slightly.

“What did Joseph mean when he said it almost killed you?” She brought up again. It had bothered her since he said it. 

Andy sighed. It was only fair that she explain it, but it didn’t mean she wanted to. “He and Nicky picked up on it. Something inside me changed, when you were lost to me. Broke. I stopped believing in the good in mortals too.” She rubbed her thumb along Quynh’s neck again, leaning her forehead onto the top of Quynh’s head. She could hardly believe they were here together now, that she could hold her again. She hard started to believe this was something lost to her forever. 

She had come to terms with that fact that she deserved that. 

“You stopped looking.” It sounded less like an accusation this time, more like a statement of fact. 

Andy knew, in that moment, that Quynh understood. That didn’t mean all was forgiven and forgotten, but she understood, and it was more than Andy could have asked for, more than Andy had thought she would get. “I stopped living altogether.”

“And now?” 

A hint of a smile crossed Andy’s face, just for a moment. “I was reminded, 6 months ago, why we originally started doing this. That doing good gave us a purpose in our too long lives. I wanted whatever time I had left to have purpose again.” She assumed someone had clued Quynh in, that she had become mortal and then immortal again, because she hadn’t asked when Nicky had been surprised to see her alive, instead responding to him about it.

“Joseph said you started looking for me again.” There was a question there, unspoken within the statement. _Why? What changed?_

Andy didn’t mind explaining this. It came hand in hand with the new world they lived in, one she imagined she’d have to explain to Quynh over time as it was. “There’s new technology, nowadays. I thought if ever we had a chance to find you it would be now. I didn’t…I didn’t want to die without having apologized.” She didn’t want to die without seeing Quynh’s face again. She didn’t want to die knowing Quynh was still lost in the ocean. 

Quynh pulled away, finally, looking at Andy. “I think I will accept your apology sometime this century.” It was said speculatively, like even now she was considering it. 

Andy nodded. That was only fair- they’d banished Booker for a century for betraying them. “I can live with that.”

“Maybe next century.” This time it was said with the hint of a smile. 

Andy laughed suddenly, surprised. She had been right, about Quynh’s resilience. She wasn’t okay, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t be, someday. The fact she could make any jokes at all right now proved she was still her. “I suppose that would only be fair.” She smiled at Quynh, before tugging on her hand. “Now really, come to bed. We both need to rest.” She led Quynh into the room designated as hers- theirs, and she couldn’t help but smile at that- and paused for a moment by the bed.

“Would you like to leave a lamp on?”

Quynh turned to her sharply, narrowing her eyes. She looked defensive, but Andy kept her face calm and non-judgmental, They’d all been through things, looking for ways to cope, and this way no different- she wouldn’t begrudge Quynh anything she needed, and she had said sometimes it felt like she was still down there. The ocean was dark.

Quynh apparently found- or didn’t find- what she was looking for on Andy’s face, because she nodded, before going over to the closet and changing. Andy smiled. They kept clothes at every safehouse, and the ones in this room were hers, which meant they were far too big on Quynh. 

Andy changed as well, into something slightly more comfortable, before turning off all but one of the lights and climbing into the bed.

After a moment, Quynh followed suite. 

They lay side by side for a moment, before Quynh turned on her side, facing Andy. After a beat, Andy did the same, lightly draping one of her arms over Quynh. It was a position they very rarely had slept in- only when they were sure there would be no threats, or someone had them covered. It had both their backs facing outward, although if they sat up they could defend each other. But it had been their preferred way to sleep, curled around each other.

As if thinking the same thing, Quynh moved closer, and for a moment, it felt like things were going to be okay. 

They lay there in the half-dark, listening to the sound of each other breathe, the sound of their heartbeats; the sound of their lives, once again intertwined.

“I missed you.” It was said so quiet Andy wasn’t even sure she was supposed to hear it, a whisper into her chest, where Quynh was facing. She tightened her arm around Quynh’s shoulders.

They would be okay.

* * *

As soon as they arrived to the safehouse in Catania, Joe bundled Nicky into their shared room. Something was off, he knew it, but he knew Nicky would never say it surrounded by everyone else, not when Andy was newly alive again and Quynh was newly freed.

No, Nicky would bite his tongue, putting their problems above his, and Joe would not allow that right now.

As soon as the door shut behind them Joe pulled Nicky into his arms, wrapping them around him as Nicky surged forward, pressing his lips desperately against his. “Tell me.” Joe said, a whisper against his lips, the Italian rolling off his tongue like second nature. “ _Tell me_.”

Nicky shook his head, pressing against Joe more firmly. Joe wrapped one hand around the back of Nicky’s neck, the other still wrapped around his waist, as Nicky’s hands came up to clutch at his arms, tangle in his hair. 

“Tell me, my love. _Nicolo_. Please.” Joe was not above begging, not when it came to Nicky. He wasn’t above anything when it came to Nicky.

“I felt her _die_ , Joseph.” His voice trembled as he spoke, his head tipping forward, his forehead resting against Joe’s shoulder. “I felt her die because I was too slow to take the bullet for her.”

Joe ran a hand through Nicky’s hair. “I felt it too. I think your theory is right, we feel not the death but the loss whoever is with them is feeling.” It wasn’t a comfort, but he knew it would help Nicky focus on his words, and that’s what mattered right now, so he could get his comfort across. “Andy knew the risks for every job she went on. She didn’t expect you to protect her, and you know she would be angry at you feeling guilty over this.” 

Nicky nodded against his shoulder, but his grip on Joe did not loosen. Joe maneuvered them so they were seated on their bed, tucking Nicky against him. 

“I thought she died and I realized I do not know where I believe we go after death.” He said it very quietly, as if even after all this time he couldn’t bring himself it admit it. Joe knew that even after a millennia, the things he was taught still haunted him sometimes, even if it was rare nowadays, and he wasn’t surprised this had brought those feelings back out. 

“It doesn’t matter where we go.” He knew his role in this conversation, what script to follow. A long time ago, this conversation had held more weight- the stakes had been higher. But he knew now, in this century, the fears were old, a remnant of a life they’d left behind, rather than a current fear Nicky still held. It was simply the ghost of a former feeling that he’d never quite been able to shake completely loose. “We will find each other, no matter where we are.” 

“It’s like destiny.” He knew Nicky believed that. They both did. But sometimes, when losses got too great or pain got too much, they needed to be reminded.

They’d been willing to go to war for their religions, once. Now they were willing to go to war for each other. It had to mean something.

He pulled Nicky along with him up the bed, leaning on the headboard and tucking Nicky against his chest. “What else?” This wasn’t the only thing bothering him, not that Joe had thought it was. After everything he had just gone through- and gone through alone in that room, at least last time they’d had each other- Joe knew any number of things were likely bothering him.

He didn’t expect the next one they tackled to be Booker, though.

“Booker had a point.” Nicky chose his words carefully, and Joe knew it was for his sake. Joe was loyal to a fault, and expected other people to be too- Booker’s betrayal had hit him hard. “That we don’t know what it is to be alone- we’ve always had each other.”

“You know that’s not true, Nicolo.” Joe said quietly, running a hand through his hair. “We spent at least as long as he’s been alive apart.” It was true, though he knew Nicky was always reluctant to say it- didn’t feel they had a right to claim it, not with how much time the others spent alone. Not when they killed each other first. 

“We weren’t apart.” It was, by the most technical definition, true. They were in the same city, the same country as one another. But they weren’t together, and Joe knew that, knew _Nicky_ knew that, because they were still having the dreams at that point. 

“We killed each other each day and you fled each night. I chased you across multiple cities, haunted by you in my dreams. We weren’t together. We barely understood what was happening to us.” Joe reasoned. 

“We met barely five years in.” It was true- five years in to killing each other, they had finally sat down, introduced themselves to one another as best they could, and broke bread together.

“You ran from me for almost the next 200 years.” Nicky wouldn’t look at him, and Joe caught his chin. He wouldn't have Nicky feeling guilty about this now. “I understood why then and I understand why now, my love.” He did. He had been conflicted as well, about this man who would maybe be his destiny, this man he killed every day who came back in both life and in dreams, who he dreamed about until he had a name for the face, a foreign name. But he had taken it in stride- he had, at the time, believed that Allah had a plan for him, and this must be it.

Nicky- Nicolo, at the time- had struggled a little more with it. He had been planning on being a priest, before he went to war, and it was not just an enemy but a man who he felt that pull to, and it was that pull, his destiny, that sent him fleeing.

“It’s not the same.” Nicky protested, and Joe kissed the top of his head.

“It is.”

“Booker…has no one. You always knew eventually we would be together.” Nicky reasoned. It was a reasonable argument, Joe could give him that. Except for one flaw.

“Yes, but you did not. So perhaps _I_ do not know what it is to be alone, but you do.” Nicky fell silent at that. 

He was still tense against Joe’s chest, and Joe carefully ran his hand through Nicky’s hair again. “What else?”

Nicky let out a breath, barely a laugh, a slight smile creeping up. They’d had almost a millennia to become intimately aware of each others mannerisms, Joe knew it was no surprise to Nicky that he would know there was still something bothering him. Joe even had a feeling as to what it was. “Copley told us what the doctor was doing.” 

Nicky let out a slight shudder. “She can claim science and the greater good as much as she wants. The greater good does not require you to cut people open while they are still awake.” Joe’s arms tightened around Nicky, and he growled slightly. “It does not require you to remove people’s organs in front of their eyes.”

“ _Nicolo..._ ” Joe breathed out his name, pulling him as close as he could be. “I would have traded places with you in a heartbeat to save you from that.” Nicky shook his head.

“I was grateful, that you were spared it.” He said, and Joe smiled at the top of his head.

He leaned down and kissed Nicky. “My love for you knows no bounds.” He felt Nicky smile against his lips, before tucking his head under Joe’s chin. Joe kept one arm wrapped around Nicky’s shoulders, but spread his other hand across Nicky’s chest. “No one will ever do that to you again. I will not allow it.”

Nicky closed his eyes, one hand coming to rest on Joe’s. “I believe that. In time, this will pass.” 

It was true. All of their fears passed with time. It did not mean it didn’t bother Joe, here and now, before it passed. No one deserved to hurt like that, but least of all Nicky. It brought feelings out in him every time, feelings of defensiveness, protectiveness. Nicky could protect himself, Joe knew that, but that didn’t mean Joe didn’t want to make it so he didn’t have to.

The last time he’d felt like this was when he saw Nicky’s brains laid across the floor in Merrick’s labs. When he’d beaten Keane to death, snapped his neck rather than just shooting him. He could have- he’d had a gun. But he’d held Nicky’s head in his hands, watch it put itself back together on the floor, watched Nicky pick himself up before he was ready, to go after Andy, and he’d felt rage. He’d felt that protectiveness that drove him to pick Keane up and slam him, headfirst, into the ground.

It was just like Nicky to look at his own trauma and comment on how it would pass in time. If it were Joe, Nicky would fuss over him and want to make sure he had everything he needed now. He had all the time in the world for Joe’s needs and none for his own.

Joe knew he himself was the same way.

“I know it will pass. But it hasn’t yet. So tell me what you need now, my love, until it does.”

Nicky sighed, leaning in to Joe’s chest even more. He was always the worst of them at voicing his own needs- Joe thought maybe it was the priest in him. “Hold me?”

“Always.” It was second nature to Joe at this point. 

“And talk to me.” The second request was quieter. An admission, of sorts. Joe smiled.

“Always, my love. My heart.” Nicky had not specified what he wanted Joe to say, and he and Joe both knew that only meant one thing- Joe would profess his love, his feelings, how much he cared, how Nicky was the light of his life, until they fell asleep. 

It wasn’t the first time he had done it for Nicky. Nicky had done the same for him, before, when he was the one hurt. So he spoke quietly against Nicky’s skin, told him all the ways he loved him.

And just before they fell asleep, Nicky responded. 

“I love you too, love of my heart.”

* * *

They hadn’t been at the safehouse long- maybe an hour- when Nile ventured back out of her room. She wasn’t surprised to see Booker had done the same, was standing on the balcony. After a moment, she joined him.

They stood in silence for a moment, before she broke it. “They’ll let you stay.” She knew it was true. Joe was the only one still truly mad, and while she got why, she also knew that he would eventually get over it.

“I’m not sure I want to.” It was a quiet admission, and Booker didn’t look at her as he said it. Nile stared at him for a moment, before following suite, looking out at the city instead.

“Why?” 

“They all have…each other. It would hurt too much, I think.” Booker ran a hand through his hair, leaning against the balcony railing. 

Nile frowned, turning towards him again. “You know there’s more than one type of love, yeah?”

“…yes?” He raised an eyebrow, looking at her curiously.

She powered forward. “We’re a family, Booker. That’s why what you did was fucked up- and I realize I’m new, I haven’t been here long, but even I can see that.” She knew this could go bad, could be her overstepping her bounds, but she wanted him to understand, now that she did.

“You belong here now.” He said it quickly, and she somehow wasn’t surprised that’s what he focused on in what she said.

He hadn’t gotten mad, though, so she figured she was good to continue with her argument. “Okay, and so do you. We’re a family, all of us, and sure the four of them have their relationships but we’ve also all got each other.” She shrugged at that. It was true, and she knew given time she’d be lonely- sue her, she wants love too- but they have each other, and Nile’s never believed in underestimating the power of family. 

“Misery loves company.” Booker intoned flatly.

Nile couldn’t help herself, and smacked him on the shoulder. “No, you asshole. _Family_. I don’t know if Nicky is right, and we’re destined to find each other, but we have, and we’re all together because of it, and we’ve created this family for ourselves. And yes, we had families before, and this will never replace that, but this is what we have now.”

Booker frowned, but she knew, somehow, it wasn’t at what she said. “How did you…get to be so good at this whole immortality thing? You’ve only been at it six months.”

Nile shrugged. “Chalk it up to me not believing in feeling sorry for myself. You have to roll with the punches of life- and yeah, this was a big one, but it gave us each other.” She believed that, too. You had to accept things in life, and move past them, or they’d kill you.

“I suppose it did.” Booker looked almost thoughtful at that, and she counted that a win.

She pressed forward once more. “And that counts for something, doesn’t it?” He looked at her for a moment, before turning back towards the city. 

“I suppose it does.” Nile nodded, before going back inside. 

_They were gonna be okay._

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i watched the old guard a few days ago and have spent almost every waking moment i had free since then planning and writing this fic. like, i skipped meals to work on this fic. 
> 
> also,,,,i've watched the scene where nile enters the doctor's lab four times now. nile hits dr. meta kovak in the head when the doctor comes at her with the syringe, but she never actually shoots her, and we don't see anyone else shoot her either, and quite frankly i didn't wanna make up a villain when i had a not-shown-as-dead doctor *right there* ready for the using.
> 
> ngl, this idea popped into my head and sparked me starting to write fanficiton all over again. like. it whole ass motivated me to update another series i have. i haven't written a fanfic in three years prior to that i'm sorta proud of myself for cranking this one out but i watched the movie and then there were no fanfics exploring everything i wanted explored so i,,,,,crammed every single one of my ideas into one fic cause idk when i'll have this level of motivation.
> 
> let me know if you want me to write more old guard fics. i may,,,consider it. i clearly have ideas, since i turned this into a series.
> 
> leave me a comment and/or kudos if you liked it!
> 
> edit: user disnerd was inspired to make a fanvid (set to the song this is titled after), which can be found here:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L54BciitkTc&feature=youtu.be


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